21 weeks and going strong

so I am 21 weeks pregnant and everything is going very well. We found out that Hannah will have a sister and she will be named Abby (Abigail to be exact). She is already giving me grief and keeping me on my toes and if that is any indication of how she will be here, outside in the real world, then she is totally following in her big sister Hannah’s foot steps. Would I have it any other way? NEVER!!

So on the Peanut front, she is still my amazing little girl. Bright, funny, beautiful, full of life and still able to make total strangers smile with just her laughter! I am one lucky lady to have been given such an amazing little girl and now I have been given the gift of 2. WOW………..I will be a mother of 2!!

That being said, did I forget to mention what hubby’s reaction was when we found out we’d be having another girl? His face went red and I quote “wow, guess I’ll need to build a guest house in the next 10 years so that I have a place to escape the 3 of you women”!! too cute!

so how are you all doing??

update

I have accepted the fact that I am really bad at keeping this blog updated. Now with saying that comes a bit of guilt because I know that some of you check here to see what’s going on in my little life and more often then not there is nothing here to tell. I know this is a bad trait of mine but there is some hope. I remember when I was off on Maternity leave from work when I had The Peanut and I took time to write about my daily doings and it seems as though I am going to have some time to do this again. Yep, that’s right…….I am expecting again. This really was not planned nor was it prevented as you can tell. We were not thinking it would happen so quickly however. As some of you can remember it took us 16 months to get pregnant for The Peanut and well this one, apparently it only took one try! We are happy none the less. A bit in shock but warming up to the idea of a second by the day.

My mom guilt is in high gear now. I question my ability as a mother just for my gorgeous Hannah, and now….to throw a second into the mix……..scares the pants right off of me. I also worry about having to share “me” and how Hannah will react. She is my baby girl and I just hope that I learn to spread my love appropriately and evenly and hope that throughout all this, my baby girl knows that she will ALWAYS be my baby! I also hope that the new babe will know that I love them too and that they too hold a special place in my heart. DAMN HORMONES!! LOL

My emotions are all over the place and have been for a while. I’m still doing a lot of “growing” within my self and struggle daily wondering if I am truly the person that I want to be. Am I proud of who I am? Would I be honored to call me my wife, daughter, sister, aunt, or friend if I were on the other side of the fence? Am I all that I can be? Am I living my life honorably and to my fullest potential?? For now…….I have to say yes. I can honestly say I am truly doing the best that I can with what I have. But, there is always room for improvement right?

On a different note, I was given some very sad news this morning. My cousin passed away unexpectedly. It was quite a shock to us all and a very big blow to the heart. He was a lonely man. Lived by himself, in the house him and his late wife lived in together for only a short time out in the middle of no where. We only got to see him a few times a year but when we did they were lovely visits. Because he is actually my second cousin and quite a few years older then me, I was raised to call him Uncle Dave out of respect and to this day that is still how I address him. Even after many conversations of him telling me I don’t have to, I do. Because I do respect him. He died of a massive heart attack, in his bed in his house way up north and all alone. A neighbour hadn’t seen him in a few days so they went to check on him and there he was, peacefully lying in his bed. Sad really.

Tomorrow is also the anniversary of our good friend Darryl’s death. 6 years has gone by so fast. We are heading to his memorial in the morning to pay our respects and then off for our traditional ice cream treat in memory of him! I’m so glad that we still have this tradition and glad that it’s something that we ALL are adamant about doing in honor of his life. Shows the love and commitment we have for our late friend. He is missed terribly.

So on that note, I hope this entry finds you all well, in good health and happy!

What are the chances?

I never thought in a million years that this would happen to me.  I have loaded The Peanut and all her belongings into the car, get a board my self and head out to our local Tim Horton’s coffee shop to get my morning X-Large coffee with 2 milk and 2 sweetener.  We get in the line up behind 10 other cars and start the slow creep, inch by inch up to the ordering stand. We are one car length away from placing our order and to my pleasant surprise, hubby is in the car behind us.  I turn my head slightly to look at The Peanut all snug in her car set to tell her that Daddy is behind us and that’s when the attack took place.  A small black bird, out of no where flies into my OPEN driver side window and right into my face and neck! 

Yes, you read correctly!  I proceed to flail around WILDLY trying to get this crazy, kamikaze bird out of my face all the while PRAYING that it didn’t decide to dive bomb my poor helpless 2 year old in the back seat.  I ended up getting a bit of a hold on it and practically threw it out the window.  I scream out to my husband behind me “DID YOU SEE THAT” and you can guess what saw when I look back right?  Yep, you betcha…….a man dying from laughter at the site of his wife almost loosing her face from a lunatic black bird!

Can you imagine??  And really, what are the chances???  Just MY luck though………..This confirms my dislike for birds!

WOW!

do you all remember this post? http://mylozmom.wordpress.com/2008/12/15/done-and-done/

well, she strikes again.  Apparently my mother had surgery on April 30th and choose to not tell any of her children until last evening when she decided to tell me.  Why now??  She claims she didn’t say anything cause she didn’t want my father and his wife to know.  If she seems to think I am going to tell them and that’s why she didn’t before the surgery then why did she tell me at all?  what’s the difference if I told them then or now??  Clearly not something I’d discuss with my father anyways as it’s my mother and her life and it has nothing to do with my father at all so why would I bring that up??  and even if I did…..HE IS MY FATHER AND I WILL TALK TO HIM ABOUT WHAT EVER I’D LIKE DAMN IT!!  and really, what the hell does she care if he knows or not????  what does she care???  she is remarried and has been for 9 years??? 

So, my b-day dinner with my mother ended up with me telling her to get out of my house.  THE END!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well hello there…..

okay, so I am the worlds worst blogger i’ve decided!  I go so far between entries and when I do write I am all over the place.  Lets be honest though, that’s ME……all over the place!  LOL  So i took a look around last night at all my blogger buddies and at that moment I decided that I needed a ME day!  So that’s exactly what today has been.  I played hookie from work, brought the peanut to school and hubby was out the door by 7:45am!  house to my self.  Even the dog went over to Nana’s for a visit today.  I am literally ALL alone.  A bit creepy I must admit as I truly can not remember the last time I was.  I have slight guilt about just doing NOTHING so to ease that guilt, 2 loads of laundry are done, the dishes are done, I am about to take a shower right after this and on the way to get the peanut from school I will be returning the mountain of beer and wine bottles that have taken over my counter top all repricussion of my birthday party last saturday.  There………I feel a bit better now! 

So my actual birthday was yesterday and it started off terribly.  The peanut was up a 5:30 am which is an hour earlier then our normal start to the day.  I was tired, had a head ache and just all out am not a morning person to begin with.  She was in the most wretched mood too so that didn’t help mine.  Hubby was in a lot of pain from his reoccurring back problems and the whole morning just stunk!  Then it was off to drop her at school which had been progressively getting better BUT can still be hit or miss in the freaking out department.  Much to my surprise though……I got a HUGE smile, a wave and a BYE MAMA, HAVE A GOOD DAY!  the day got better from there thankfully! My daughter was an angel from the moment I picked her up from school till the moment she went to bed last night.  My husband out did him self with planning a birthday party last saturday, brought home dinner last night followed by an amazing and much needed full body massage after the peanut was in bed and my night ended with HUGE snuggles and lots of love. And to finish up my birthday celebrations, my husband booked a sitter for the peanut for saturday afternoon till sunday at noon as he is taking me out to dinner and then off to see the Theater to see the musical “The Sound of Music” which clearly is one of my all time favourite movies.  I can not tell you how excited I am as the last time I went to the Theater I was 19 years old so this is MUCH appreciated and long over due.  Doesn’t that sound like an amazing time?

June 2nd is hubby and my 9 year anniversary.  It will be our 5 year wedding anniversary this coming August 28th and our baby girl will be turning 3 on August 22nd.  Where does the time go??  SOOOOO much has happened over these 9 short years and after looking back on it all (specially these last few trying months) I have really come to realize and truly appreciate all that I have and all that my life has become.  I am definitely privilege to have the life that I do and I have so many people to that for that.  My great family, supportive friends, loving husband, loyal puppy and my gorgeous daughter.  Life is good!

Thinking of you……..

today I have 2 people in my thoughts.  My UK pal Pete (chippy) is mourning the loss his faithful companion, his beloved Kitty who passed a year ago…….lost but never forgotten!

I am also thinking of our good friend Darryl who would have been 32 tomorrow.  6 years ago we lost him in a fatal car crash and not a day goes bye that we don’t miss him dearly.  He is remember fondly and will always play a huge role in our lives just with the memories he left behind.

 

Happy birthday Beaver!  LOVE YOU!!

OUCH

So coming out of my house this morning, with both hands full of child and personal paraphernalia, I managed to pick the one part of my driveway that was frozen over from the quick melt in the warm temperatures during the day yesterday and the cold snap we had over night and so the ice-capades began!

Out whet my right leg while my left one stayed right where it was. My left hand (containing my giant purse that should almost be classified as luggage) went in an upward swooping motion as my right hand (containing my lunch, a drink for the peanut and the peanuts travel bag) went in a sideways, almost karate chopping motion. Just then, as my pleasantly plump arse hit the ground, I swear the earth shook and actually stood still for just a split second as I sat there…….left leg/knee folded behind my ass, right leg straight out in front of me, ass on the frozen yet wet driveway while the top half of my body laid thankfully in the soft, but none the less, freezing snow bank.

So as I lay there, half laughing, half crying, I’ve now realized that with the way my left knee is bunched up behind me………I’M F’ING STUCK! I look around to see if I have given any of my neighbours a good morning chuckle but thankfully no one was up and about yet. So with part of my dignity still in tact, I start quietly screaming for Hubby who then looks out the kitchen window with a smirk on his face. *note to self, smother hubby with the pillow in bed tonight* Hubby then comes out to assist with of course, the peanut in tow and I hear….”Here daddy, hold my blankets, I help Mama up”.  That truly made it all better and I began to laugh hysterically even with feeling like I had just been hit by a small vehicle!

So here we are 4 1/2 hours later, my knee surprisingly is fine which I didn’t think it would be at first for the way it was bent like a pretzel behind me, but my back and neck are knackered! I can barely move, the throbbing is getting quite annoying and the head ache is just the icing on the cake!

Well hopefully you all got a good chuckle out of the visual from all this cause lord knows I’ve been dying in tears as I’ve been picturing it all over again in my head! That’s me and my ever so graceful ways!

A good hard look……

This year started off a little rocky for me as some of you know. Events that have taken place have invoked a lot of soul searching and re-evaluating the person I am. I had a moment of clarity through out these events and what I have learned about myself is both good and not so good. It’s hard looking in the mirror at times. I have always believed that I am a good person, one that wears her heart on her chest like her badge of honor. Over the last few weeks I have truly come to understand this about my self. I have also had my eyes opened to how some of the events of my child hood have made up the person that I have become as an adult. I am strong. Even a bit too strong at times. I have this undying need to “fix” things. It’s my nature to take any situation, deal with it, drudge on and get it done. This can be a good thing for instances that the ball can not be dropped on like keeping the house “running”, my job, my daughter, ect……but I have learned that I need to let go of the reins a little and let life happen. Let someone else drive for a while. I’ve learned that it’s okay to let people help, I am not superwoman even though I take pride in thinking that I am.

I do have a weaker side. A side of me that not a lot of people know about or have even seen. There are a few people who know that side of me. Who I have let my guard down too and let them see the emotional wreck that I can be. These people have been amazing in not judging or mocking me for the weakness that I have shown over the last few weeks. And I am learning that it’s a good thing to let people help when I feel lost. My husband being one of those people. I have always been the driving force in our relationship. I take charge and get it done, what ever it is and I have learned by doing with the strong personality that I have, I have taken that away from him. He needs to feel like I not only want him but “need” him. Even though I tell him that, he needs to FEEL that. I am a survivor. I do what needs to get done and in a “take no prisoners“fashion and that is intimidating for a lot of people……hubby included. The more I push, the less he gives, the less he gives, the more I push and it’s just a vicious cycle. He is an only child to his mother and never had a father figure in his life. He has learned to be a “man” just by coasting through life. And with my dominating nature, instead of taking his hand and helping him find the man he truly is, I have been dragging him along through life by his hair while his self esteem has gotten lower and lower.

I see this now. I see how I need to let go sometimes and let others take control. Not only for them but for me as well. I need to be that girl who needs help sometimes. I too need to be rescued at times and not always be the hero. It’s okay to be weak. It’s part of being human. And I now know it’s OKAY!! Lots of heart to heart talks, emotional turmoil, and re-building has brought me to this understanding. And I am so glad that I have given my head a good shake and allowed my self to see all this and not be too hard on my self. Understanding that it’s part of growing as a person. And I am thankful that the loved ones around me are guiding me through this evolution, non-judgmentally and forgivingly. I have truly come to see how unbelievably lucky I am to have the lifeline that I have. The support and words of encouragement over the last little while have been part of why I have coped so well with all that has been going on. I have learned so much about my self and have learned to accept all aspects of who I am. And I am truly able to believe now and say with pride……..

I AM A GOOD PERSON AND WORTHY OF IT ALL!!!!

Time to RANT!

ARRRGG!!!!! One of my hugest pet peeves is greedy, shaddy people and the shitty thing is………I am surrounded by them at my work. I work for an import comany who imports some pretty amazing things. Hardwood, laminate, Tile, cork flooring………Sinks, vanities, toilets, tool boxes, electric fire places and many, MANY other things. We from time to time get samples, or partial shipments here into our small office warehouse and we are allowed to purchase these items for a rediculously low price. I have purchase many things from here over my 4 year employment with the company and have been very please with my purchase. I must say though, the last year or so has not been very bennificial to some of us who work here.

I have my name on 2 bathroom vanities here. Once for my main upstairs bathroom and one for my down stairs powder room. The bigger of the 2 was worth about $250 dollers (that’s what they retail for) and the smaller about $175. I was getting the big one for $75 and the smaller for $50. HOW CAN I GO WRONG RIGHT?????? well, this ass that is such a shaddy character, who manages the whse here, has now sold the big vanity (not sure to who or when or how much) and didn’t even have the god damn nerve to tell me or ask if I still wanted it even though my name was CLEARLY written on a bright green piece of paper and duck tapped to the top of it, plain as day!

This is NOT the first time he has sold something out from under me or anyone else for that matter and the reason being is cause if he sells it, he ups the price and pockets the difference. HOLY CONFLICT OF INTEREST WITH THE COMPANY WOULDN’T YOU SAY?? That’s like stealing from the company and I know this is what him and another employee do for a fact!!

So now I’m out of a vanity and stuck with a choice………do I blow the lid off of their little scam or just bite my tongue and let it keep happening??

GAWD DAMN SELFISH BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!

A new year, a new look?

whatcha all think??

This is not only something that I am implementing on my “blog” appearence but also attempting to do in my physical appearence.  I have jumped back on the weight loss band wagon.  I am PUMPED and feel very motivated about this.  Actually, I feel motivated by my life right now.  I have not been my self in a very long time and I have made a choice to find me again.  I have had a negative attitude for way to long now and it’s high time that changed.  I am NOT a negative person by nature.  I like to think that I am positive, outgoing and bubbly person.  Kind of like a go getter but not to the extreme.  I thrieve on smiling and knowing that I make people smile.  I’m a people pleaser and get very out of sorts when I can’t “fix” things.  This is who I am and I like that person.  I really do.  And I have decided that it’s high time that I get back to being that person.

So……here’s to a new year and new beginnings!!