5 years……

25 07 2008

5 years ago today we lost Darryl.  He was on his way up to see friends of ours who were staying in a cottage up north for the week when he went to pass someone in his car on a 2 lane hwy, hit rail road tracks, lost control and hit an oncoming mini van.  We were told he died instantly which in my opinion is a blessing.  Every year on this day we go to his memorial that his family had the city we live in make for him.  We do it on this day and also his birthday.  He was cremated and his family still has him so there is no where to go “be” with him per say and that’s why the family did the memorial for him.  So people have a place to go. 

Hubby, me, Darryl’s fiancee, her NOW fiancee and a few others go to the memorial and just try to feel like he’s there with us.  We see his plaque under the tree that says his name and the years 1977-2003 under it.  26 years is so short. TOO short.  And really if he was 60 years old it would still be the same but I feel hurt knowing that he didn’t get to do the things that young people do.  The stuff you get to achieve as you grow up.  Yes he was engaged to a BEAUTIFUL young woman which I am honored to say is still a very good friend of hubby and I but he never that was it.  I find that I some times feel bad when a milestone happens in our lives and he is not here to share it with us.

Don’t get me wrong, I KNOW that he is all around us.  I feel him.  We have a picture of him in The Peanuts room on her window sill.  We put it there before she was born and in the last 2 years since she’s been alive she has maybe heard us use his name a handful of times.  Well one night we were putting her to bed and she was doing her normal “good night” to everything in her room (nic nac’s, fish light, etc.) and she looked over at the picture and said “nite nite Uncle Darryl”.  I asked her if Uncle Darryl visits her and she said “yes mummy” very matter of fact-ly.  I then ask her if Uncle Darryl spoke to her and she said “No Mummy, Uncle Darryl sleeping”.  I LOVE the fact that I know he is with her.  He would have been sooooo great with her if he was still alive and I love know that even though he’s not, he’s still making an effort to be with her. 🙂

I hate seeing the sadness in Fiance’s face.  That hopeless, helpless sense of loss that only she can move past in her own time.  I hate hubby missing his best friend.  I hate that he doesn’t get to share their amazing friendship together.  It’s now just memories that he cherishes so.  I hate that just when we were getting close he was ripped from us and now all we have are pictures and memories of him.  I am so

grateful for having at least that.  He was an awesome person, a joker, and an one that was always there.  Hubby and him would just hang together for hours on end.  Video games and food runs and parties. 

It still feels so fresh in my mind but at the same time the reality is that it’s been 5 years.  5 years……….where did the time go? It only feels like yesterday that he was saying to me…..”so what do you think of Grizz (my hubby’s nic name)??” I laugh at that memory because he wanted to have a hand in setting hubby and I up even though we already knew that we wanted to be together.  We were coming out of a party that hubby was DJ’ing at (He’s a Drum n Bass DJ) and Darryl says to me “gotta moment?” of course I look around to see if it was actually me he was talking to as I really didn’t know him at that time as hubby and I were just “courting” so i hadn’t been around his friends much.  I then said yes and he proceeds to say “walk with me”.  I giggled to my self because we were in the middle of down town Toronto, Canada at 3 am and he wants me to “walk with him”.  His girlfriend at the time (which was his fiancee when he passed) realizes what he is about to do and tells him to cut it out but of course, Darryl being Darryl, he HAS to do it.  So off down the sidewalk we go and I awkwardly wait for him to say something.  Finally he says “so……….what do you think of Grizz”?  I, still giggling, say “what do you mean what do I think”?  He says “well do you like him”?  I instantly get this feeling as though I am in a bad after school special and reply “he’s really great”.  He then says “would you date him”?  I at this point can not contain myself any longer and bust out laughing.  Darryl says “I’m serious”!!  And I says “I know, that’s what makes it so funny”.  I then calm down and tell him of course YES I’d date him and I so wanted to and he says “CAN I TELL HIM”??  What are we 5?!?!?!?  I didn’t have the heart to tell him no so I let him have the honors.  After that, Darryl always said that it was him that got us together and we just let him believe that 😉

5 years………………….where does the time go?


it’s official!

9 07 2008

We bought another house!  Can I get a WOOT WOOT???  Our closing date is August 5th but we move in on the 16th.  Want to get a few things done around there before we get totally in.  We own the house we are in now but it’s with my MIL so it really doesn’t feel like ours ya know?  And now that we are branching out on our own the pressure is on.  Hubby has never, EVER left home before.  Yes you read correctly……….NEVER!  He’s almost 31 years old and still lives with his mama.  So needless to say, this is HUGE for him and he is have a lot of anxiety over it.  He’s getting excited and knows that it’s time but he’s still so overwhelmed by all this.  He couldn’t eat or sleep for days and was just a basket case.  He’s getting better thankfully.  I’ve been trying my best to be the “supportive” wife and support him through this but I have to tell you, it’s a hard thing to do.  I’m carrying a lot on my shoulders right now and I’m really starting to feel it. 

But all in all, this whole transition is going well (so far) so I’ll keep you call posted!  So here’s the house info:

  • 3 bedrooms
  • 2 bathrooms
  • brand spanking new kitchen
  • finished basement
  • built in bar (my favorite thing 😉 )
  • wood fireplace in the basement
  • big back yard with deck, 2 sheds and a swing set for The Peanut
  • big driveway
  • newer windows
  • new roof

that’s just to name a few.  SO as you can see, it’s got a LOT of potential.