To my Peanut!

12 11 2008
Hannah,  

I know it’s been forever since I’ve written (more like 5 months but….) so I’m finally taking the time to walk with you through your life over the last while. Quite a lot has happened so I’ll just start rambling like I always do so try to keep up, hahaha. Daddy and I bought our new house a few short months ago. We moved in right before your 2nd b-day (August 16th to be exact) and the first few weeks were very hard for you. You loved the house and what you called the “park” in the yard but bed times and nap times were a disaster. Lord knows that toddlers are so routine oriented and it was not the bedroom you have always known. You have settled in nicely now thankfully and so have Daddy and I. Your 2nd birthday you celebrated in the new house. You had a fabulous party with all the people who love you there to celebrate your special day. Two…..when did that happen??? You are toilet trained for the most part now aside from a few accidents here and there which is totally expected. You are only 2 after all!! Your vocabulary has EXPLODED and I am in awe of the fact that you are this little person and not my baby anymore. It scares me how my memories of the days when you were so tiny are escaping me. I’m trying to write down as much as I can but I know that I will never recapture those precious, precious moments when you were my tiny helpless baby laying in the safety of my arms.

My little Peanut, you are so big now. You are still little “Miss Independent” as always and really coming into your own now. Your personality is so great but can be a test of my wills even on the good days. You are still so very strong and confident but with that confidence comes confrontational tendencies. I know that every toddler has the “help me, but don’t help me” learning curve and with you being the outspoken, feisty firecracker that you are, you tend to be really struggling with this faze. I know this too shall pass and honestly it has let up since you started toilet training as I’m sure that your sense of independence is picking up. You are starting to slack off a bit in the “I’m mama’s 3rd leg” faze thank goodness. You can imagine how difficult it is to have a child on your lap as you use the bathroom but none the less, I do it! I do it because it’s something you need from me right now. You need that sense of security and power. I know that as silly as it sounds, I will too miss these times when it’s me and only me that you want. 

As helpless and out of sorts I feel sometimes, I know that this is what I need to be and do right now. I decided long before you were even born that the “me” that I was then would take a step back for the “mom” that I was about to become. I feel that I am still the person I have always been. I just make the necessary sacrifices that are needed to make sure that I am the mom that you deserve. Or at least I like to believe that I do. I am no where near perfect nor would I want to be as you can only grow as a person from learning from the mistakes that you have made. I do, however, try to give my all when it comes to being your mom. I know that I have my “not so picture perfect” moments (that I later truly regret with all my being) but on a whole, I do try to be the best mom that I can be. Having you was the most selfish thing I could have ever wanted or done in my life so how could I have the right to not to give you my all? You are here for one reason and one reason only…….because your daddy and I wanted you so badly. You did not ask to be born, we asked for you and knowing that and truly believing it, I promise you that I will always remember just that……WE WANTED YOU!! 

You and your father are my everything. He came into my life at just the perfect time, swept me off my feet and gave me more then I could have ever deserved. He made me his friend, his wife and the mother of his gorgeous child. I am forever indebted to him for all that he has contributed to my life. And the greatest gift of all was adding you as the final piece to our puzzle. You complete us as individuals but more…..importantly as a family. So thank you for being you and making me one incredibly lucky woman!

Forever Love,

Mama

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