Starting to Panic

23 02 2011

So for those of you who don’t know…..I lost my job back in November 2009 when I was 23 weeks pregnant with our youngest daughter. My company closed the Branch that I worked out of so all of us there became jobless.  They tried to offer me 3 weeks severance plus 2 weeks vaccation pay but that clearly was not good enough. Who was gonna hire a hugely pregnant woman for the money that I was making for only a 3 month contract? um NO ONE! So I decided to sue the company. And I won! I got 12 weeks severance plus my owed vaccation time so that brought me up to my maternity leave.  I then found out that not only was I entitled to my 50 paid weeks off, I was also getting an additional 16 weeks due to the fact that I have never pulled from my Employment Insureance due to being unemployed!  WOOT WOOT! SO all in all that will bring me to May 14th, 2011.

Not a bad deal right? Well now i am shitting my pants because I now have 2 kids to either find day care for which will run us upwards of $1500/month or I have to find part time work in the evenings so that Hubby can stay home with the girls when I leave for work and I will be home with them during the day while he’s at work.  The working in the evenings is the most ideal for me because i am truly a basket case when it comes to finding “sitters” for my kids unless it is close friends or family members. And the thought of putting out $1500/month to a day care provider that I am not truly happy with just doesn’t sit well with me. So I am now on the hunt for a part time job where I can work in the evenings and take care of my kids in the day. Problem is……time is pressing and Im not sure if this is all gonna pan out the way I had hoped! I know I still have 2.5 months however, I am very clear on how fast that time will pass!  Ugh…’s hoping something finds ME before then!



15 02 2011

So much has happened over the last few years in my little life that it almost makes my head spin.  The good, the bad and yes……even the ugly. I’ve always known that I am an emotional basket case.  I, in some ways, pride my self in the fact that I carry my emotions on my chest like a suit of armor.  It is who I am and I KNOW that I am a good person.  I love whole heartedly and live honestly.  Life I believe is just test of strength and determination.  It is what you make it.  I make it the best that I can by surrounding myself by the people I love and who love me.  Friends and family. Close or distant.  I try to see the good in everyone and understand that not everyone is the same.  I try not to judge and remember that not everyone is ready to live their lives to the fullest. They have not given themselves permission to let go of sadness and remember that we only live once and this life time is shorter then it sounds.

I’ve learned that it’s not only time that heals all wounds but that forgiveness, patience, compassion and understanding aids in the path to happiness.  And truely allowing your self to be happy with what you have and not what you want or don’t have. Knowing that it’s hard work and dedication that take your life in the direction you want it to go. Knowing that nothing great comes easily and if it is, then in the end it won’t be that great as you have not worked for it.  Remembering that everyone deserves a thank you for even the smallest of things.  A smile, an opened door, an I love you all make a world of difference right?

I’ve been struggling with a few things over the last few months and I have really given my life a once over. And this is what I have come up with. “I” make the difference in my life.  “I” make a difference in others lives. And when I am not the very best ME that I can be then what good am I to anyone? including my self. I deserve more then that. So “I” have taken back ME!!!  The happy, fun loving, crazy, smiley, EMOTIONAL BASKET CASE that “I” love!  OK and the one you all love too! So in saying all this, i’d like to introduce you all to the NEW and IMPROVED Dee!!  Stop by and say hello sometime won’t you?